No, I don’t want to see another article about 15 places you have to visit this year. There is a reason that almost every website has Wanderlust listicles, it gets traffic…from people who’re not going to go to any of the f*cking place mentioned but will tag you still anyway. And it’s not there fault either. Today, I am gonna give you 5 reasons why I’m sick of wanderlust listicles:
1. I am broke
I don’t think that most of these websites realize that the aam janta is broke af. I’m getting paid just barely enough to survive the month and these people want me to pack my bags and ‘go on an adventure’. The bullet I bought hasn’t seen more than 1 km of empty road, and that was too at 2 in the morning. So take your ‘best roads in India’ listicle’ and shove it up your ass.
2. I don’t have the f*cking time
If someone is from a rare species of employees who is getting paid enough to even think of a trip has one more thing to figure out – time. A company is considered ‘good’ if they give you at least 20 days of paid leaves in a year, most of which goes into being with the family during festivals like Diwali, Eid, Christmas (secularism level:1000). After that, I am left with around a week of leaves left which are reserved for those massive hangovers on Mondays when I spend the Sunday night drinking and abusing my boss.
3. You gotta be kidding if you think I could visit all of these places in a year
Another thing that doesn’t make sense is almost all of these lists begin with beautiful places in Himachal and Uttarakhand and suddenly it’s f*cking Munnar! Matlab kaam dhandha chhod kar Bharat brahman par nikal jayein? How could someone in their right mind even think of going to all of these places in a year? I read a funny article that listed all the places you go on all the long weekends this year. Dude, first of all I work on Saturdays also, so your article offends me and second, how in the world do you think I can go road tripping to Manali and back in 2 f*cking days?
4. You’re just a content writer who had to finish this article in less than an hour
Oh, so you are suddenly an expert on all things travel? I mean, just 2 hours back you wrote an article on Kareena ne Sonam ki shaadi mein kya pehena and now you’re the biggest traveler in the country? Oh…you did your research? Listen, I know you write travel posts like these when you can’t find anything trending to write about and I don’t consider your 20 mins Google search as ‘research’. Frankly, I wouldn’t take travel advice from a guy who goes to Lonavala and clicks a picture with the quote – “Take the road less traveled.”
5. Family, friends, girlfriend/boyfriend or alone?
Do you really think that your family will let you go without making you feel guilty? Or should I go with my group of friends in which, at least 2 a**holes will cancel the plan at the last minute? Do you think you’re the first person in the history to put Dil Chahta Hai waala fort on your bucket list? Oh and what about your bf/gf who’ll kill you if you go on a trip without them. Although, half of the male population in India doesn’t have to worry about the gf situation, but still. You’re left with going alone which a. Increases the expense and b. Opens a line of questioning by your mom and dad that makes getting in front of a bus look better.
So stop with your shitty #Wanderlust listicles.
Tag your friends and tell them not to tag you in those.